Covered and Cambria is a WAAAAAAAAAAAY BETTER band than I originally thought!

7 Feb

Man, basically, every album that’s been pressed is because the singer writes comic books! No fucking shit….comic books or gasp…adult graphic novels. Or as I call them comic books. But Damn. They are a awesome band if you download the best of or the essential Coheed. Every single song..all twenty are fantastic, especially if you play guitar and have an affinity for pick squeals..and who the fuck doesn’t?


This doesn’t count.

7 Feb

We have to give up our shelter rescue dog tomorrow. She hates me because either I look like the fuckface who hurt her or because of my whiskey voice she still won’t come near me even eleven months later. Still be damned if she doesn’t make me cry. I have to give her up probably one day before she would have maybe..just MAYBE gotten used to me. Actually, if my former wife is there, she would take a biscuit from my hands, but she would drop it twice before she got far enough fast enough.

She’s not gone yet but it still makes me cry. Great dog. Cute as Fuck. Her fourth home in less than three years. That’s on me!

A Cautionary Tale part Three

7 Feb

Damn, my wife and I are splitting up. Probably past the time she should have gave up on me. I’m always the one promising better results doing the same shit over again. I believe that Einstein said something similar about insanity? Whatever, she is going to be much better without my lies. She is happy ( not happy, but at least understanding ) that I’m not doing hard drugs anymore, but the constant beers ( I’m not doing shots babe! What? I’m still a dick?) and I get high on weed ( at least it’s not five grams a day of poison) and I expect her to congratulate me on my restraint?

No wonder she is leaving me. This woman kept me alive for 21 years and I lie to her on a daily basis. How many beers tonight? How many are left? Even then I lie about how many…even though she can fucking count! I’m too depressed to continue…. I will come back to this soon and it will be a five part series. It’s so hard to leave ALL this out there… trying to be the “funny” guy.

Okay…..anyway I was telling you WHY my wife is smart for leaving me. She’s leaving because I broke her heart so many times that it would be diminished returns if she didn’t. After standing on thirteen 21 times in a row she finally said ” WHY, why am I still listening to this asshole? Never fucking once did he take care of me, why should I listen now?” And for that I am ashamed to admit I have no idea.

I guess maybe it’s a lot of hubris…I lived the life of a rock star without ever earning it. Kinda like Poison…but with talent. I had thousands of dollars worth of musical instruments and knew how to use them, but when it came down to it…I would sell whatever I wasn’t using for the next party.

I feel dirty… I will make part four tomorrow.

I WILL disgust you worse mananna! FML.

A Cautionary tale part Deux

3 Feb

Yes, this needs to be continued because even when you’re older than fifty, you’re still an idiot if you do hard drugs. In my neck of the woods ( Maine ) we are having a crisis of heroin usage because we have a moron governor who thought that he would be Christies running mate because they are both psychotic symptoms that haven’t been discovered yet but are both killing the people they were elected to help.

The ONLY reason that weed is illegal is big pharmaceutical. The ONLY reason that heroin is back in vogue is because big pharmaceutical companies can’t keep making junkies from the poor.

You fell of a roof and broke your back…. you’re out of work for a year and you get 3 months of oxy and six months of unemployment, I had much worse happen to me and I was out of work for a year and because of my predilections to opiates…. I unfortunately didn’t partake. But I know for Damn sure that I would be on my every single heroin dealer for sure after they told me that oxy costs 10 dollars a fucking milligram.

You take away the shit that makes me not kill myself, try to take away my insurance ( 50 plus times ), and then take away my unemployment? Yes, good old Slappy is gonna start a heroin regimen because it’s fucking cheaper and I don’t need you cockhammers to make us feel worse. I’m gonna not do drugs that I need and need and want and really want and need…. but I’m fighting the Dragon.

Can you imagine what people who have been shut off from oxy must go through? If they weren’t busting everyone else for opiates…. I would be there too.

A Cautionary Tale

29 Jan

Where to begin? I’m by my own force of nature, not a person who has regrets. Yes, of course I have much,much more than most of my friends and internet buddies and if I spent more than a cursory glance at them I would be by necessity be guilty of having guilt.

What I mean is…if I would have the balls to look in the past…it would make looking into the future pointless and sad…mostly pathetic and sad. I have so many regrets I would be suicidal if I faced them head on. I’m pretty much a complicated person as their is certifiably cogent arguments that I’m nucking futz!

I have made many bad choices..the biggest is when I thought that the 150,000 dollar advance from the record company was for a spending spree in guitar warehouse and not a fucking advance for the recording studio…..Dave you asshole! Anyway never let drummers be your manager. I’m still paying that back even though I brought most everything back but I got pennies on the dollar….fucking Dave you Neil Pert wannabe with a 20 piece kit. First..learn the fucking beat…THEN buy a fucking chime tree!

Anyway…drugs and alcohol abuse is what I want everyone to know about. I’m about to be homeless and I am already jobless and there is a 90% chance that my wife and I have to go to different places…we have to give up our dog tomorrow ( going to my old backstabbing boss who knew that they were in negotiations four months ago and didn’t bother to tell us while we covered her shifts so she could have HER family time) but this year is the first time I went to my moms house in three years!

Please…let me be a cautionary tale. Drugs suck. Stick to pot and beers. Up until recently, that WAS the perfect mix. Now…I’m just fucking clueless on what to do. I’m in this position because of all the stupid fucking choices I’ve made and now I’m dragging down everyone I know and love and I am powerless to stop it!


Don’t be a drugged up Slappy…be more like Rob Lowe!

Except don’t have sex with underage girls, that’s one regret I don’t have. Anyway I’m glad I can write this down.

Thanks WordPress. Also I probably shouldn’t blame my backstabbing boss because she has 2 daughters in college and I kinda understand why she’s a duplicitous bitch, but still…. man, I would have never in a million years did what you did. Four months would have been a blessing. If I am shiv’d in the homeless shelter, I hope you never have a peaceful nights rest!

Absolutely no Fucking Cheers for you!

A day in the life of Donald Trump!

9 Aug

Give me one day and you’ll laugh

If I ran the SPCA

9 Aug

I GET what you’re saying and parrot what you say, but for fucks sake, the song’s and the images do exactly what you hope they do , only the opposite! When I hear the music and see the commercials, I can’t adopt them ALL! I get so mother fucking pissed that I may have the dog or cat that will live a less enlightened form of life than how ┬áthose other poor bastards are.

Please, show people loving animals with a good follow through on how my money helps!

I’m almost certainly right that THAT will help you more than some mawkish white-wash thing that makes me turn the channel to something else, I only have so much money!

And I like to think that my HUGE amount of money is working! Why are you not doing that ?