A Cautionary tale part 5

13 Feb

I am my lowest level right now that I have to find a place to live, get a new job, and sell all my instruments to even make it happen. And even that much is debatable as I am NOT giving up a 1965 Chet Atkins Gresch to make it happen. I’m about dancing on my feet about how it would be so fucking easy to hop a bus and go to Portland and buy enough heroin that they have to wake me to tell me I’m evicted.

I’m not going to do it because my stupid wife is promising to hang with me even though I caused her more heartbreaking shit that is incalculable to make the ledger balance. And she is not stupid…I just want another reason to go back on my words because it’s easy. ALL junkies want the easiest way out. Just let us nod out for weeks at a time, while we figure something out! Dammit…your explanation is just cutting into my opiate addiction you inconsiderate fuck! How fucking DARE YOU tell me that my addiction is getting in the way of our rent..take a second job.

Yeah, if my wife sticks by me while I am at my worst…that means that I am ..worthwhile? If I go back to being an idiot…well…I’ll make sure that she gets my life insurance after I walk in front of a fucking train. Don’t worry…I have no intention of doing it, but if I do…they won’t have time to hit the brakes and no one on the train will be hurt!

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One Response to “A Cautionary tale part 5”

  1. professormaddog31 February 18, 2016 at 2:29 am #

    hey pal.

    I’m sorry that things are so bleak right now. Sometimes I feel like the world will swallow me whole. I bet you’re feeling like that, too. It’s hard to go on when it feels like you’ve failed, or rather that your whole life is a giant failure. I feel like that, too. But hold onto hope, my friend. Hope will grow. Sometimes it takes our tears to water the seed to help it grow, but as long as we are alive, so is the capacity for hope.

    I believe this. I want you to believe it, too.

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